halcyonether:

aggressionbread:

hey so the other day i saw some nail polish that said “formaldehyde free”, and, like, just let me take a second to say that i didn’t know some nail polish had formaldehyde? 

but the point of this post is that it gave me an absolutely great idea to add “___ free” on products that have never conceivably contained that thing in the first place.

“try my new fruit snacks, they’re 100% gravy free!”
it is, actually, a completely true statement. i’m not lying by any means. but the sheer thought of what this message could possibly imply strikes instant fear into the heart of the consumer.